Prepping Teens for the Future
Problem: We really live in a different country and a vastly different economy than what our parents and grandparents grew up in and what our schools and assistance agencies are used to. As a result, many young people (ages 18-25 or so) seem to be falling into a chasm of indecision, apathy, poverty and dependence on others (parents, financial aid & subsistence level govt. assistance). They are told to reach out for help by society only to find that the “helping agencies and services” really DON'T provide much help at all. Jobs are VERY hard to obtain when you are young and yet housing, food and transportation costs continue to rise beyond the reach of the typical job a young person CAN land (if they can land anything at all) . In addition to this, our society seems to have unwittingly created a set of expectations and a love of ease that young people have become used to and that costs a lot of money to come even close to maintaining.
The result: many young people cannot or will not leave home at 18, 19, 20 or even through their mid 20s. But if they are forced to do so by any circumstances (even their own doing) they are immediately stuck in poverty and homelessness, seemingly unable to work, unable to get around to find work or resources and without a permanent place to stay.
WHY IS THIS? Some of this may come from:
1. Unrealistic expectations set up by our society, parents, educators, friends & the media as a whole. These influences are falsely portraying that Life is supposed to be full of creature comforts and lots of fun and ease. This fairly affluent view point leads many young people to look a lot more lazy than previous generations. That may or may not be true but one thing is for sure – young people today expect MUCH more creature comforts when they first leave the home than any previous generation ever has. And if they can't have them they just don't try to leave – preferring comfort, fun and ease over the self-supporting independence that has typically driven teens to leave home at 18 in the past.
2. Poor planning or a lack of realistic planning. Schools PUSH students into college as if that will solve all their needs (it does not). So there is very little career training options given such as ROP programs that REALLY work and connect students with employers willing to hire them at some point in the program if it works out.
3. An economy that has changed drastically for the worse but society continues to try to cling to the illusions of the old economic realities – high wages w/ lots of free benefits, job stability and a smaller work week + early retirements. Those days may be gone forever. But young people today are not being told this or being prepared to make their way in such a climate. In fact, they expect things to be even better for them than it was for their parents. Reality often crushes this expectation so harshly that some young people become extremely bitter, fatalistic and cling to their dependencies even harder. Again, delaying that necessary transition into full fledged adulthood.
SOME HARD TRUTHS YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY MUST EMBRACE
1. THE END GOAL FOR CHILDHOOD IS THAT YOU BECOME AN INDEPENDENT, SELF-SUPPORTING RESPONSIBLE ADULT CITIZEN. There is great virtue in being self-reliant! “He who works skillfully with his hands can stand proud before kings” as the proverb says. Believing the opposite (that dependence upon the charity and provision of others is good) shows a profound lack of wisdom and leads to enslavement to those you are dependent upon.
2. No one owes you anything! You will have to WORK for your pay. It will be YOUR job to convince someone to hire you and to work hard to keep your job. Even then, layoffs can happen so be prepared (learn to live well within your means and save for bad times). Be prepared to dress well, and conform as much as it takes ...whatever it takes to get the job (within reason and the bounds of the law). No job = no successful transition into adult life!
3. EVERYTHING IN ADULT LIFE TAKES MONEY! A place to live, food to eat, transportation, a social life, entertainment – all cost …. A LOT (and more every year). You may NOT get to live it up when you first move out – but if you manage your resources carefully you will get to do something. And with careful stewardship you may get to do more and more as time goes on.
4. Expect to start out pretty spartan in your first apartment etc. You WON'T get to have all the creature comforts your parents took 20+ years to amass. You may have little or crappy furniture, you may have to drive a beater car or motorcycle, you may have a small TV and stereo with mismatched dishes and bare walls. BUT IT IS ALL YOURS! Take pride in being independent (a true grown up) and you can postpone the emotional desire to have a well decorated home and tricked out car.
5. You need to start prepping your future before it “happens to you.” Have a realistic plan set up before you turn 18. Have a plan B and plan C just in case that you can live with. Changing your plan isn't a problem...becoming 18 or older w/out one is a MASSIVE PROBLEM.
SO HOW DO I GET STARTED?
TASK #1: Adjust your expectations to the new realities (see above).
TASK #2: FIND ANY JOB THAT PAYS! IF you are under 18, at least a part time job of some kind...any kind! If you are over 18, ANY full time job or 2 or 3 part time jobs. YOU NEED TO START WORKING NOW...REMEMBER …. EVERYTHING TAKES MONEY! This is NOT the time to be so proud, picky or prissy that you can't find work. Land any job you can – it's and important start. Without a way to earn resources (money etc.) you will NEVER be able to become self-reliant and move out on your own.
TASK #3: Do some career exploration NOW and keep it up even while you have your first jobs so you have something to work towards that will provide you with adequate resources to live the adult life and even live it up from time to time or afford a few luxuries. Look for opportunities and take them!
TASK #4: Do some RELIABLE research (ask questions, search newspapers, internet etc.) about how much it costs to move out and live on your own. Don't forget that you will need money for:
1. Rent or a mortgage
2. Power, water, phone, and possibly garbage utilities
3. Health insurance and health care
4. Transportation expenses: car payment (?), insurance, gas, maintenance for engine & tires
5. Furniture: bed, dresser, table to eat on, chairs or couch to sit on etc.
6. Food and household expenses (laundry soap, dishwashing soap, bar soap, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant, cleaning supplies, etc. + your groceries)
7. Home furnishings: pots and pans, light fixtures, alarm clock, bedding, etc.
8. Clothing (you may have to cut it pretty meager for a while but you have to have some clothes!)
9. Entertainment or social outings (may have to keep it pretty cheap for a while)
10. Life insurance
11. Retirement savings
12. Charitable expenses
You might also want to decide what community you want to live and work in. Check it out and compare costs of living (though this can come later if you like).
TASK #5: Find some like minded friend or two that you can trust AND WHO ALSO WORKS!! Consider having a room-mate for a few years until you can afford to live independently on your own – it's a great way to share living expenses & furniture/furnishings.
Don't get overwhelmed – start with the tasks in their numerical order and keep working on it until you have it done – then move on to the next one. But the ball is in YOUR court.
No one can “make you grow up” or become an adult for you. It is something each person has to do for themselves. Looking like an adult doesn't make you one – acting and living like an adult does.
REMEMBER: being an independent, self-supporting adult is the goal! Being adult in age but living dependent on parents or others is NOT really being a grown up at all.
HOW CAN PARENTS, CHURCHES AND COMMUNITIES HELP?
FIRST: teach our children and young people the right way of looking at life and adulthood (see the Hard Truths above). Impress upon them the true goal of childhood so that they automatically start working towards it too. By all means, do so in an age appropriate manner.
SECOND: As they grow up, don't satisfy their every whim and buy them whatever fun they desire. Have them work in an age appropriate manner to EARN greater privileges or resources. By the time a child is a teenager, they should understand that they are expected to find some kind of job (mowing lawns for neighbors, babysitting, delivering papers, raking leaves, cleaning out garages, sweeping up at a family owned business, raising 4H animals, whatever they can come up with). Teach them how to delay gratification and save these hard earned resources for some of the fun things they crave (game systems, computers, cell phones, special clothing, eating out with friends, movies).
THIRD: Get to know people who employ other people and solicit their cooperation to allow your young person to job shadow them or even volunteer to work for free so they can observe what that kind of work their job entails or who could eventually hire them. Such people are an invaluable network later for getting your child their first jobs. In addition, help your child make efforts to identify their strengths and how they can be applied to different kinds of work (there are several good inventories and “tests” to help with this).
FOURTH: Many parents have a difficult time doing #3 above. Not everyone has a relative that is a business owner or has friends in high places. This is where churches and communities can be a huge help.
Churches and communities should identify members of their congregation who are either employers or are one of those uniquely connected people in the community. Such people are invaluable help to our young people because truthfully, jobs are almost always obtained through the help of another person not the internet or mass mailings. Have your child get to know one of these network hub people so that they can better recommend them to specific people they may know.
FIFTH: Some baby birds need a firm nudge out of the nest. Be preparing your child for that eventual day when they will need to launch out on their own. Help them get excited about this all important rite of passage into full adulthood. If they don't seem to be interested in doing that or are not preparing themselves for such a day you may have to give them a firm deadline. Be reasonable and require progress benchmarks. For example, you might need to tell a 19 year old in a crowded house that he needs to find a job and be moving out within 6 months. Then, if they need it (it's better if they do it on their own), set concrete action steps for them that detail what they need to do and by when. Then hold them to it. If the date approaches and they are still not ready you may need to insist they move out anyway (unless there are extenuating circumstances you are prepared to accept). No one said parenting was easy. But keeping your child a perpetual Baby Huey is a parenting disaster of the worst kind.
